silent creeper

growing up alcohol was always around. whether it was sunday cleaning day, monday night dinner, stressful day. it was handled with alcohol, i guess i carried on that tradition. i never realized how bad it was until my eating disorder came back full swing. i was able to calm down and not drink so much. but again, thats all i was used to so it was just a difficult time, and being so stressed out and worried about my son , that was the only thing that worked at that time for me, i was always afraid to try pills, i was still so young and didn’t want a pill addiction on top of all of it. Things were starting to turn around, i got my drivers licence, bought my first car and got my GED and i had enrolled in the college. i later found out i was pregnant again, however i had miscarried,,,,,,,, I was told by the doctor because of the endometriosis I was not able to have any more children. I guess maybe somehow deep down that stirred up some type of depression even though I really didn’t feel it or maybe it was because my feelings were so masked by the alcohol.I’m not really sure I do know that my alcohol he’s got worse especially when I started drinking during the week. and it was about the time I started to notice all my weight gain I had been bulimic for years however I thought it had been under control I started eating and throwing up again to the point where I recall there was a time that I was drinking and had drank so much alcohol and had no food in my stomach but I literally fainted and passed out in the middle of a sports bar not only was it embarrassing but I had my husband and my son with us. I tried to get help for it I thought out counseling and it was just like nobody care or they wanted to shove pills down your throat. So basically at That’s fine I guess you could say I was drinking alcohol as a way to self medicate. I did not realize or no or care he affect it would have on me and the damage it would do physically and mentally to me me.